Tuesday, March 10, 2009

other person's point of view....

In therapy yesterday, therapist and I talked about my fear or overreacting emotionally, times when I think I have, and my feelings towards others when I think they're overreacting. Therapist was able to help me understand that in context of my history, I probably rarely overreact to any situation, but I may not always know the things from my past that are making my reactions more severe than I think they "should" be based soley on the present circumstance.

Keeping this in mind, I'm wondering how this evening's conversation with my sister fits into all of this. Her responses were not mean, but really hurt my feelings. Normally I would automatically assume I was overreacting, but in light of yesterday's therapy conversation I'm unsure.

I was telling my sis about a conversation my bf and I had yesterday regarding my future plans. I'm looking for a new job and trying to figure out what I want to do and where I want to get a job b/c my current job is ending within the next 6 months. I think I know what I want to do, but more than anything I want to make my plans fit around my bf's plans when he returns from Afghanistan in Dec. That's what I WANT. I don't feel like I need it or I can't be okay without him. I just don't want to be without him.

Backtrack just a bit: Had first somewhat future-oriented discussion with bf last night. Mostly b/c he was asking me about my career plans. I'm a thinker, so I was just telling him everything I was thinking and all of the possibilities I was considering. He said something that made perfect sense and is very logical, but it wasn't really what I WANTED to hear. He said I shouldn't let my desire to be with him keep me from following God's plan for my life, and if we're meant to be, then the plan for his life and the plan for my life will coincide. I believe there's a lot of truth in that, but I don't think you can leave it all to circumstance. I think we are required to take some action. Also, I know he doesn't want me to put all of my "eggs in his basket." To me it doesn't feel like I'm doing that. I also know his main reason is because he really is looking out for my best interest (thinking what if he doesn't make it home from Afghanistan or gets stationed somwhere I can't or don't want to move to, etc.) What I wanted him to say is that he hoped I could find a job doing what I want in his town too and that he really can see us being together forever. I DID NOT push this issues b/c it's more of a conversation we can have when we're face to face when he comes home for R&R this summer. Plus, I mostly just want him to focus on staying alive and coming home safe. I really feel this job/life decision is my battle, and I was just choosing to fill him in on it.

So, I was telling my sister this tonight and she totally agreed with Seth and basically said it in a way that suggested what I want is wrong and would freak anyone out. I don't think what I want is wrong, but it's not like I haven't thought about the prospect of overwhelming him or putting too much pressure on him talking about moving or talking about the future. We've been sister's for almost 25 years now. You'd think she'd know me well enough by now to know that I look at everything from EVERY angle. I completely see Seth's point of view. It's the logical, practical, rational thought. I did not argue this point at all with him last night. However, I guess I wanted to be able to just express what I'm still feeling to someone not involved without being judged. What I wanted my sister to say is that she knows this is hard on me and that she's sorry. I didn't need her judgment and to be reminded that I may be being irrational or too emotional.

So, now I'm left with a few questions. 1. Is wishing Seth would just say I want you in the same city when I get back; I want you to want to go with me wherever the military take me and being sad that he didn't an overreaction? 2. Is letting my sister hurt my feelings by being frustrated that she took "Seth's side" and didn't just comfort me overreacting too? I mean, his approach is definitely more logical than mine. 3. Is letting your feelings and emotions lead a situation always wrong or are there times when it's okay? 4. Must logic always be better or right?

I feel stupid for crying so many tears over this. Maybe this is the price I have to pay for waiting until I'm 28 to have my first real relationship and the choosing to have one with a Military man.

What it boils down to is that I feel the need to know whether my feelings are justified or not. If they aren't, I feel the need to stuff them, challenge them, put them away, not allow them, etc. If they are justified, why then do I feel like I'm the only one who sees my point of view?

And on a side note. Why do people always feel the need to make sure I see the other side of an issue???? Trust me, I've probably thought about both sides way more than they have or will!

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