Tuesday, March 17, 2009


I'm confused today. So many of the things that were bothering me last week have been worked out and are no longer issues. My stress level is down. It's gorgeous outside here (sunny and warm!). I'm going out with friends for St. Patrick's Day after work (unless I back out). So, why in the world am I feeling so sad, lonely, vulnerable, and on the verge of tears??? I don't understand!

My head is quiet, so no feedback from anyone inside. Maybe that's the problem. I'm not getting feedback from inside. Just stupid feelings. I seriously still think feelings are overrated, and at this point, I'm not sure I'll ever be glad to have them back. I really didn't feel like I was missing out on anything all those years they were muted and dulled. I was much more logical in everything that I did. My mind decided everything and stupid feelings didn't get in the way and cloud my judgment.

Why am I being so freaking whiney today? Nothing bad is going on. Life is good. So why the heck do I feel like shit today? I/we have come so far over the past year, and I am so thankful for that progress. Days like today, though, make me think what good is all that progress if I'm still going to have days where I feel this bad? I'm trying to tell myself that maybe it will just be today and not solid for 5+ years like it was. We can survive feeling this crappy for one day, right?

Maybe some fresh air on our lunch break would help. Warm, sunny weather usually makes us really happy. Doesn't seem to be helping so much at the moment though. Grrr. Some days I swear, I wish I could just get over myself already!!!

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