Sunday, March 1, 2009


This post may prove to be a continuation of the last one or it may not. I am not sure yet. It's Sunday afternoon, I'm sitting on my bed in my room. I just turned in this week's assignment for the online grad class I'm taking. Outside it's sunny and there's snow on the ground. It's really pretty to look at. I spent the weekend at my parents' place. I am blessed in that this is still a safe place for me. I realize for most abuse victims the home where they grew up was not a safe place. Granted, my parents and I still have our issues, and they still refuse to acknowledge that I'm DID, but overall, they always have my best interest at heart.

This weekend was relaxing. Friday night I got to my parents' house and we ate dinner then watched the movie Fireproof. The acting was pretty rough except for Kirk Cameron, but the message of the movie is amazing. I highly recommend it for anyone in a relationship. I talked to my friend, Tempy, for awhile after that and then went to bed. I slept in on Saturday morning. Did a little school work during the day on Saturday. Little being the key word in that last sentence. Took a short nap. My grandparents live across the driveway, so in the afternoon my parents and I went over to their house and played a card game with my grandmother. My grandfather's not much for playing games, but he stayed in the room and visited with us. My dad won the game, but only by 1 point! That evening I went with my parents' to a special private opening of the new Beef O'Brady's restaurant in town. Dad does real estate legal work, so sometimes he gets perks like this. The food was just alright, but considering it was free, I wasn't complaining. We then came home and watched Get Smart. Can I just tell you how much I love Steve Carrell? I ended the night by talking to my boyfriend via webcam. This morning I woke up to snow. It was beautiful!!! The lesson and fellowship I received at church this morning were uplifting, and the rest of today has been spent relaxing and doing school work on my computer.

So, you may not have cared to know the details of my weekend, but the point is that I enjoyed it and there was NO drama. As a result, we are feeling really peaceful and maybe even happy right now. I am quickly learning that the less drama there is in my external life, the better I/we function. Maybe that's true of everyone, but it seems to me some people thrive on drama. I think for us, there's always so much turmoil and chaos inside, that any drama in the external world really exacerbates the emotions and symptoms we're trying to contain.

Weekends like this make me want to move to a private island and live forever - away from the business and stress of normal life. I must stop and think though. When my external life calms down, my internal life seems to become more active. Probably b/c I actually have the time and energy to pay attention to it, rather than it actually becoming more active. Would a peaceful external place be a set-up to allow chaos internally? Is there any way to find a happy medium between the two? If I asked for no drama at all - inside or externally - would I be happy or would I be bored? Am I ever going to be satisfied?

Maybe it's best not to question and just enjoy today. Tomorrow will come with it's own blessings and struggles. I think learning to live in the moment is the best thing we can do right now.

1 comment:

  1. Good stuff dude. Being in the moment is the true gift you know...connecting with feelings and knowing you're safe. It's what all this work is about.