Round 1: Health Insurance =1, Bravehearts =0

And the health insurance saga continues. Even waiving my HIPAA rights and saying I will pay out of pocket for my counseling and psych meds, was not enough for my current group health agency to switch me to an individual plan in September. Even though, all I'm asking for is coverage for when I see my primary care if I get sick or if I need to go to the hospital for an injury, apparently, I am still too great of a risk. Apparently, perfect physical health doesn't mean much if your mental health isn't perfect as well...... even if they're not going to cover it.

Applied to another insurance company today. I want to be optimistic, but we're already feeling so defeated. I'm sure our feelings are a bit of an overkill, but it's where we are. Thoughts of : What's the point? Why are we working so hard on healing? Apparently it doesn't make a difference. 18 months of no hospitilizations and the continuation of lowering and stopping meds means nothing to any managed care. Then I think, why should it? To them I'm just a number, a risk, a peon. If I thought President Obama's healthplan would actually help more than hurt, I'd jump on that bandwagon. That doesn't really matter though. If that goes through, by the time it becomes legislation, I should be married and can get on my husband's health insurance.

I also keep telling myself, there are ways to get insurance. Problem is that it is so expensive. I can get COBRA insurance from my current job, but it is over $500 a month. Did I mention my graduate assistant stipend is $700 a month? I could get the university's health insurance, but it's crappy, expensive, and will invoke 12-month waiting periods for pre-existing conditions. Plus, I have to go to their clinic before I can get referred to anyone else, and they have stupid office hours like 8am-4pm. What happens if I get sick at 5:30pm?

I truly do think that God will work everything out by September, but it doesn't make the defeatist attitude and emotions I feel right now go away. I really hope as we continue to heal, this feeling will lessen when we face obstacles related to our past, specifically ones that we're moving on from until some managed care system throws it up in our face.

I guess it's that 3 steps forward, 2 steps back kind of thing...