Thursday, April 9, 2009


Today's strong emotion was : anxiety. It was just as overwhelming as the depression/suicide thoughts/feelings were on Monday and Tuesday and the happy/excited feelings were yesterday. By the time I made it to therapist's office this evening, I had just enough energy to lie on the couch in her office and cry.

Thankfully today's session helped rather than making things more intense. When I walked out of her office after our session, I felt like I could breathe again for the first time in days. Some of that was due to being able to cry and share whatever knowing I wouldn't be judged for it. A lot of it I think was talk about ways that we can still make significant steps in therapy without requiring a lot of memory work or arguing the purpose of parts. Spending time orienting Angel and other parts to 2009, in our opinion, will help make doing memory work easier (not easy, just easier) because more parts will be vested in the present and hopefully less likely to get caught up in flashbacks. In the meantime, I'm hoping to learn how to handle feelings better - allow them to be present but not overwhelming.

Anyways, I just wanted to update that hopefully things will be calming down soon and every thing that happens won't feel like the end of the world, like they have every other day this week. And maybe just maybe we'll get a decent night's sleep tonight.

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