Monday, February 22, 2010

Being tested?

Okay, God. So I'm really beginning to think this is some sort of test, and I'm sure there's some sort of lesson I'm supposed to be learning from this, but I have NO IDEA what that is. Please help me understand!

Dr. M posted on my best friend's Caringbridge site again tonight. Another kind and thoughtful post. Reading her entries makes me nauseous, makes my heart ache, makes some miss her, makes some hate her, and more than anything makes us want to talk to her.

I have no idea what I think talking to her would accomplish. I know we're still looking for closure and resolution with her, but I don't think we'll ever get that from her. So we need to find it somewhere else before one of us cracks and does actually contact her. The question is do we find it in ourselves? Do therapist, family or friends help with that? Is it something that only God can heal in His time?

I really don't have the time or the energy for this old ghost to surface right now. blah.

Dr M's latest Caringbridge entry just because I feel like posting it:

Monday, February 22, 2010 9:31 PM, CST

I'm a firm believer that more information is always helpful. I am impressed by the thorough assessment that B has received. Even if they don't have more of an answer today, hopefully there is comfort in knowing that they more thoroughly understand him and would feel more comfortable jumping on any new treatment or plan in the future because of this knowledge. I'm sorry that there weren't more answers. That makes us all sad too.

You all are incredible as are all of your helpers in this journey. You encourage us by your faithfulnes​s. God is using you already.

Lov​e from (city),
J​ and M M
City, State

Hard to continue to think of her as a heartless b*tch when you read stuff like this, huh?


  1. Hmm. I struggle theologically with the idea that God 'tests' us this way, but I can understand why it feels so much like it. I guess maybe someone thinks it is time to deal with this. Ouch.

    Hugs. xx

  2. This sounds obsessive - and take it from who knows, feeding an obsession will not help.

    I hope you find some peace with this.
    If it was me (and if I had the strength to do it, because I know sometimes I do not)I would use the "stop sign" technique. Each time thoughts of this person came up, I would picture a stop sign in my head and then find a distraction until the thought went away. It needs to be a really distracting distraction - and that is often the hard part. I find I become most obsessive when I am bored.

    Whatever you do, try to remember that how they behave with someone else or on a public comment, has little to do with your interaction with them. Even people without DID are able to put on a different face for different people and circumstances. Your feelings are valid regardless of what they say to others....

    If you are going to deal with it, don't do it alone.