For those of you that have access to a Bible, I would suggest reading this Psalm for yourself. For those that don't I'll give a brief summary.
This Psalm is written by Moses, and Israelite born during Jewish captivity in Egypt and raised by Pharaoh's daughter. God chose Moses to lead the Israelites out of captivity and to the Promise land of Canaan. However, this journey was not without this struggles.
We looked at Psalm 90 in Bible Study tonight, and it really struck me how words written by a man who was around 150 years old thousands of years ago can still directly apply to parts of my life (past and current) and be words I myself might actually say to God.
The main parts that struck me were verses 13-17
Relent, O Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion on your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to your children. May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us -yes, establish the work of our hands.
The first time I read through this scripture, I just assumed Moses was asking for as many happy days as he had had sad and painful days from God, and it may be that simple. However, this was not the message that God was trying to share with me tonight. My mind skipped to the New Testament where in Acts 5:41 it states the apostles left the Sanhedrin rejoicing after being flogged because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the name of Jesus.
I reread Psalm 90, and while I still believe my original understanding can be accurate, I also heard the scripture in another way. This time I heard Moses saying, Lord please help me to find happiness, peace, joy, and strength during my struggles... during my days of affliction. May my continued perserverance in you show others your glory during my hardships. Help me to be content in you not only when my external/interal worlds are going smoothly. Hear my heartache and pain but also grant me joy even during my suffering.
Obviously this is my own interpretation of what Moses may have been thinking and it is not meant to be taken as scripture or from one who has any religious authority other than what any child of God is granted. I was just very moved by this study tonight, and it was more about how this passage related to me.
I sometimes wonder if I had prayed like this in my darkest moments if the light would have been easier to find. Instead of only praying for healing, I prayed for strength, contentment, and even some joy in my current situation and continued to search for ways to serve God in the midst of my pain. Since I can't change the past, I will have no regrets. However, I hope this is something I will keep in mind during current and future struggles- small and large.
In 2 Corinthians 12:9 God says "My grace is sufficient for you." I want to get to a point where that truly is all that I need and where I believe with all my heart that by the grace of God I am what I am and that in and of itself is completeness.