Friday, January 8, 2010

Almost time

I talked to a great friend on the phone last night. I am amazed at the amount of challenges facing her daily and how well she is coping considering everything. All the skills we've learned from inpatient stays, talking to others who have been through similiar situations, in therapy..... she has to put all of that into practice everyday just to get through and she does! I have such respect and appreciation for her. And on top of everything else, for some reason she still loves to hear me ramble about the somtimes funny, sometimes stressful, but not near as overwhelming daily goings in my life.

Vacation will be over in 4 days. Therapy will start back up. School/work will resume. Fiancee and I will find a "normal" routine rather than things always being chaotic and traveling all of the time. That's why I entitled this entry "almost time".

It's almost time to get back to the grind... and mostly with this I'm referring to therapy. We've been functioning really well on vacation, but things have been strangely quiet in my head as well, and while parts are still present and make themselves know, no out right switching has happend (as far as I'm aware). Now, I'm not complaining about this, but there is no explainable reason for this to last long term. Things that I know need to be addressed before this can become our norm have not been addressed.

Still gotta have the talk with fiancee about us being DID. We're feeling better and better about it. I think we'll make sense to him once he knows, but I still think there's a lot to be said about discussing things at the right time and place. Gotta lot of things to work through before the wedding in 4 1/2 months. I think more than anything it will be trusting fiancee with everything. We will be under the same roof every night and it will be much harder for him to just not be around to experience some of my/our more interesting moments. Also, we do want to trust him (well, like we trust therapist). There is nothing we don't tell therapist - unless for some reason we just forget to tell her. I want everyone in my system to trust fiancee like we trust therapist. I don't want fiancee to do therapist's job, but I want everyone to know he is safe and that he respects all of us.

I think the trust thing won't fully happen by the wedding. We've been with therapist a little over 3 1/2 years to get to this point - and that was with us purposely meeting with her to share our "horrible" secrets. Still, I DO NOT want to enter a marriage feeling the need to hide anything about me/us. I think we're on the path for all of this to happen, but it means I'm going to have to buckle down and really help parts share and allow them time in therapy and out of therapy rather than just riding the wave that I've been on for the past month. It's been a nice wave, but in the long run, I know it is not the healthiest thing for our system.

So, here's to 4 more days of riding the wave, and then back to grind and continuing on the healing journey so all parts can experience the relief I experience fairly regularly now.

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