Fiancee is coming with me to therapy on Monday afternoon. Eek! Therapist and I talked about this today, and the goal for Monday is just to help fiancee truly understand how PTSD manifests itself in someone who was sexually abused as a child and what that can mean in general for an adult. From there, I'll hopefully be able to explain more about how the PTSD manifests itself specifically in me, including the dissociation. I want him to not only understand current and potential struggles, but I want him to have an idea of where I've been, so he can share in my victories as well.
We have always been our true selves around him to the best of our ability, but because he has no understanding of childhood abuse or PTSD, there is so much he just can't understand until it's explained. I get so emotional talking about it b/c it is so personal, so therapist is going to explain it to him as a professional. Then I can relate my specific struggles to him either with her or just the two of us as it seems appropriate.
When I told him I wanted him to come b/c I wanted to make sure that he knew I was wanting to be completely open with him and that I never want him to think that I withheld some information from him and that it was really important to me, he readily agreed to come. I completely know that right now he's doing it for me and not because he wants to come. I really appreciate that he's sweet like that. I know he doesn't understand at all right now why it's so important that he meet therapist or that he understand more of my world, but I appreciate that he's willing to come because he sees how important it is to me that he comes. I also believe he will see things a lot different after we meet with therapist. Knowing him, he will need a day or two to process things before he and I talk about anything that may come up, but I think it really will help me make a lot more sense to him in ways he doesn't even understand yet.
For those of you that pray, please pray that his mind will be open and God will grant therapist and me the right words and the right amount of information to share with him in the session so that he understands and is not overwhelmed. I know my God is great and anything we ask for in his name he will give us, but I also know the more people praying, the better!!!!!!
Work/classes start tomorrow. I don't actually have a class till next week, but I will be returning to work in the Counseling Center tomorrow. It's exciting and scary. Who knows what has happened to the students over the holidays and what I might walk in to tomorrow.
One day at a time though. For tonight it's dinner, laundry, and relaxation!!!