Thursday, December 3, 2009


I'm beginning to think I am not cut out to deal with the flexibility that is required with being an Army wife. At the beginning of the week, I was told fiancee would be arriving home from his year deployment in Afghanistan, very early on the morning of Dec. 4 (actually about 6 hours from right now). The early hour killed me, as I am not a morning person, but this was such an excellent notice because, tomorrow, Dec. 4 is my birthday. What better birthday present could I ask for??????

Over the past 72 hours, they've changed his arrival time at least 4 times. The latest change happened around 4pm today. Now he won't be home until 8:30pm on Saturday. Blah. Still an excellent add to my b-day weekend, but sadness he won't be here on my birthday. Also, I'm doubting his set time to come home will actually be when he gets home. Considering the time changed by more than 12 hours in a less than 4 hour period today, I expect it to continue to change. It's leaving parts of us wondering if he'll ever make it home. Granted, we know that he will, but b/c the end is in sight but not graspable (is that a word?) it feels almost torturous. Hanging the one thing we want more than anything right now out in front of us but never in reach.

Things at work were a bit better this week but not because my supervisor actually stepped up and did anything. In fact, on Tuesday I realized he was never going to, so unless I wanted to lose my GA position, I realized it was up to me to figure something out. After lots of thought and prayer the past 2 days, I proposed in our team meeting that I work 2 1/2 days a week and horrible co-worker work the other 2 1/2 days out of the week. This way we would never overlap and it will eliminate my issues with co-worker. I do feel sorry for co-workers I like though b/c this does not address horrible co-worker's inappropriate behaviors last week or in previous weeks or the name calling that I had to endure. It just means I won't have to run into him anymore. Whatever. Monday is my last day at work and then I'm off for Christmas until Jan. If more stuff needs to be changed, I'll figure it out then.

You know, it's good to know we're finding ways to stand up for ourselves as an adult and find solutions to bad situations and protect ourselves, but at the same time, it's so frustrating to realize how many times we've (and lots of people for that matter) gone unheard as an adult when asking for help from the ones who are supposed to be able to give it. If it's hard to be heard as an adult when an injustice is going on, it makes perfect sense that kids who ask for help go just as unheard if not more so.... and people wonder why we gave up trying to tell what was going on when we were a kid....

1 comment:


    I hope you aren't sitting around waiting for him to get home to enjoy the day. You deserve something special so make it happen. Give yourself the gift of self-love and do something YOU want to do.

    As far as your work situation... you have to take care of yourself. That is your only responsibility. Other people who work there will have to figure out for themselves what they need to feel like the work environment is safe. So, I think you did exactly the right thing.

    I hope he makes it home very soon. My situation is different, but I think I have made the comparison before. Being married to a doctor definitely means a lot more "give" than "take". He has important responsibilities that don't include me, day in and day out, and that is just life. Sometimes I really hate it, and selfishly want him to myself... I forgive myself for those feelings but it's hard. It's hard to not come first, and it's hard to know this is how it is always going to be. (After 25 years of marriage I pretty much know that.)

    You have to decide for yourself if you can handle it or not. How much does this relationship mean to you? Assume that the situation will never change (because more often than not, people do not change. Even if he stops doing exactly what he is doing now, his personality apparently drives him to be dedicated to working hard at something.... and that doesn't change.) Can you live with it forever? Are you spending all your time waiting for him to get home, or are you living your life and then enjoying it when he does get home?

    Good luck and again,
    Happy Birthday!