I talked with therapist this morning about my blog entries from last night. She hadn't read them, but I told her about them. One of the things I realized during our conversation is how hard it is for me to let myself have genuine feelings (whether they are justified or not) without qualifiying them.... especially if they are negative feelings or if my feelings are hurt or if I'm feeling angry.
To just say I'm hurt or I'm angry and leave it at that doesn't feel okay. For some reason, there is the need to qualify why I'm angry and to also always state that it might be unfounded or irrational. In essence, I'm sharing my feelings and undermining their validity at the same time.
But how do you just feel things if someone else does something that makes you mad or hurts your feelings and be okay with that when you've been in that other person's shoes before? When to some extent you understand what may have driven them to do what they did? It doesn't make it okay, but I guess having feelings of hurt or anger towards another person feels condemning to me. And how can I condemn someone of something I've done before?
Am I making any sense??
I get it. Makes perfect sense. Maybe you could try explaining what is making you angry, asking a healthy person to validate it and then you wouldn't need to justify it. For now. See how it feels.
ReplyDelete