Wednesday, September 23, 2009

It's Fall. ugh!

It's oficially Fall, and my generalized anxiety that kicks in this time of year has made it's appearance. It isn't as bad this year as it has been in years past. Typically, Fall signals the beginning of a steady decline in my well-being that ends with an IP stay in a Psych hospital for a few weeks sometime in the winter. Last winter was the first winter I/we stayed stable enough to not need IP help. Currently, we are not seeing that there will be a need for IP treatment this winter either, so the anxiety is less, but alas, it is still present. I think this has made me more sensitive to things recently. Because I'm constantly battling a low level of anxiety right now, it makes it easy to cause a drastic spike in my anxiety. I think this definitely played into my past few posts, but at the same time I don't see my posts as true overreactions either.

I want to address a question Shen left in my comment section because I think it's a very valid question. Below is my response.


You ask a good question, and there is a good chance you may be right. My history tells me that sharing these labels with others can have long term disasterous results even with those who love me 'unconditionally'. As a result, my response is to not want to put a label to anything or feel categorized in any way. This is probably an extreme in the other direction. It should just be a name, an identifier to a set of symptoms and/or behaviors. Unfortunately, in my world of family and friends it carries much more of a stigma than that. Their opinions and pressure over how I should handle things has been getting to me, especially over the past few weeks. I know that my perceptions have become somewhat skewed, and I really do need to take a step back, re-evaluate, and re-decide what I believe about me.

Therapist and I talked today. It was helpful. She validated my feelings and helped me see that more of my emotions are coming from feelings of hurt and frustration I'm feeling towards family and friends who I deem should understand or at least accept me where I'm at right now than there really is fear of talking to fiance' and continuing to share all of me with him.

So, other than the general anxiety I struggle with this time of year every year, I think I will be sleeping much more at ease tonight.

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