I've wanted to believe for so long that when you found the right therapist, the right friend, the right boyfriend that I wouldn't have to walk this road alone anymore. The truth is we all walk this road alone. Every human pretty much walks the road of his/her life alone. You have support. People come in and out and pick you up when you need it, but no one actually walks through life with someone else.
We're having a really rough time still. I know it will pass, but it's been awhile since feelings have been this intense and I've been so acutely aware of how bad some things still are inside. Saw therapist today for a little over an hour. I have friends I could call for support right now. Therapist even said I could call her anytime if I thought it would help us. It doesn't have to be a crisis. Safety contracts have been made. Support systems are set up.
I think the sobering thought is that I have about everything I could ask for support-wise right now, and I'm still mostly doing this alone. What we wish for is impossible.... someone to be with us 24/7.... to truely walk with us. No person has that though. Everyone on this planet faces trials, lots of people have support, but we all still walk through this world and our struggles mostly on our own. It would be impossible for someone to completely walk with you even if they wanted to. They have their own life, own issues, own commitments. It's a really nice thing to dream about, but I need to quit thinking that I'll find the right person and I won't have to do this alone anymore.
I need to use and appreciate the help that I do have and quit hoping for something that won't happen. We can take care of us. We've been doing that for a long time. It's not easy but we can do it. I realize this isn't unique to us. I hope I'm conveying that. I realize every person on this planet deals with this same issue.
It just sucks..... that's all there is to it.... I'm struggling and I'm alone and I don't want to be either!