Thursday, June 4, 2009

We all walk alone

I've wanted to believe for so long that when you found the right therapist, the right friend, the right boyfriend that I wouldn't have to walk this road alone anymore. The truth is we all walk this road alone. Every human pretty much walks the road of his/her life alone. You have support. People come in and out and pick you up when you need it, but no one actually walks through life with someone else.

We're having a really rough time still. I know it will pass, but it's been awhile since feelings have been this intense and I've been so acutely aware of how bad some things still are inside. Saw therapist today for a little over an hour. I have friends I could call for support right now. Therapist even said I could call her anytime if I thought it would help us. It doesn't have to be a crisis. Safety contracts have been made. Support systems are set up.

I think the sobering thought is that I have about everything I could ask for support-wise right now, and I'm still mostly doing this alone. What we wish for is impossible.... someone to be with us 24/7.... to truely walk with us. No person has that though. Everyone on this planet faces trials, lots of people have support, but we all still walk through this world and our struggles mostly on our own. It would be impossible for someone to completely walk with you even if they wanted to. They have their own life, own issues, own commitments. It's a really nice thing to dream about, but I need to quit thinking that I'll find the right person and I won't have to do this alone anymore.

I need to use and appreciate the help that I do have and quit hoping for something that won't happen. We can take care of us. We've been doing that for a long time. It's not easy but we can do it. I realize this isn't unique to us. I hope I'm conveying that. I realize every person on this planet deals with this same issue.

It just sucks..... that's all there is to it.... I'm struggling and I'm alone and I don't want to be either!


  1. Don't forget about the Footprints poem/story. You are never walking alone.

  2. Tempy is right, I was thinking that this is exactly how I felt before I went to CoDA and learned how to access my spirituality.

    Not like I never feel that way now, but at least I don't feel that way all the time.

  3. I just found your blog. I just wanted to echo your comments. I hear what you are saying. I think, though, that there can come a time where walking in your own shoes isn't so bad. I know that's trite to say. But it's true. Paul.

  4. ((((Bravehearts))))
    Yes, you are never alone dear one!

  5. Just found your blog and didnt want to leave without commenting. Like many of us I am a survivor of child abuse and in progress of healing - well, we always will be work in progress anyway. As long as I can remember I felt as outsider, even now in this very moment I feel like an outsider. That is the heartest for me. I dont mind walking alone but I don mind not belonging anywhere. However it is good sometimes to find other here with simular histories and struggles. best wishes to you.