Friday, May 29, 2009

bad day

Today has been a bad day all the way around. I wish I knew why. It's just been bad since I woke up. Nothing externally has gone wrong, but internally I feel like crap. I feel depressed and sad. I'm constantly fighting back tears, but I don't know what I'm wanting to cry about. I'm not getting any feedback from parts inside so far today. And to top it off, I've been kinda switchy at work. I DON'T switch at work, but I've been all over the place today. Thankfully no one's noticed, and I've just told most people I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning and that things will be better tomorrow.

Oh, if only it were that easy... To just wake up an be in a crappy mood one day and that be it. But I know there's way more to this. I am just not aware of the circumstances causing these intense emotions yet. I'm sure I'll find out eventually. I probably don't want to know what's behind the feelings, but I hate having feelings I can't 'justify' at the same time. It's always seemed to me that if I can't tell you why I'm feeling a certain way, then I need to get over it b/c I have no justifiable reason to be feeling that way.

Today I have just let myself have all of these feelings and be switchy and whatever. I kinda just don't care right now. I will admit this is not easy or comfortable in the least and it's very frustrating, but I don't know what to do and today I don't have the mind power to figure it out. So, I guess I'm just going to continue to be a grouch and cry when I get the chance until this either goes away or I figure out what's behind it all.

Thank goodness it's Friday!

1 comment:

  1. Have you ever tried left/right writing?

    When I feel like what you have described here, I find that I can find the "part of self" that is causing my anxiety through left/right writing. Once I identify the part of self, I can work towards resolving the issue and the feelings it is causing in the present.

    I have written about this in my blog, in depth, if you want to know more. I may have referred to it as "alternate hand writing," as well.

    Hope you feel better.