Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Outside myself?

Does anyone know a way I can live outside of myself forever???? The only parts of today that have been okay are the parts when I've had to be totally focused on other people. So, that was about 2 hours out of today. It's not anywhere near bedtime, but I just want today to be over with.

We're tired of the rain and cloudiness. I locked myself out of my apt. today and had to call a locksmith. Started today, so that never helps anything. Want to reach out to someone, but don't even know what to say. Cried at work today for the first time on this job, and none of it was related to work. I did actually try reaching out to fiance' when I got to talk to him online today. I typically don't share major things with him b/c I'm more concerned that he not be distracted with my stuff and focus on getting home to me safely. I will give him an "A" for effort in his attempt to be comforting, but he responded with typical guy responses and is way to far away for me to just ask for a hug. He was very sweet, but not helpful. I was upset, not anxious, but all he could say was that he thought I was worrying too much about lots of little things, and that I was strong and could handle it....... Thanks honey, but that wasn't helpful.

Depression sucks! I don't believe this episode will last long, but I do know it's strong enough that I can't snap out of it. Gonna have to get it together. We have three article critiques due for class tomorrow night and this evening is the only time we have to work on them. I just want to crawl in bed and disappear for a few days and then try coming back out and dealing with things. Shit!

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