Thursday, October 15, 2009

Emotional Rollercoaster

Today has been a crazy emotional rollercoaster and it's only 5pm. We woke up feeling blah. Last night was full of crazy dreams and today is the 4th day in a row of cool, cloudy, drizzly weather. If I wanted to live in a place where it rained all the time, I'd move to the west coast or to Great Brittain. This is supposed to be our dry season when we're praying for a certain amount of rain, so things don't get so dry that the state bans bonfires. Camping, bonfires, and s'mores are what you're supposed to be doing this time of year.

Anyways, I make it to work only to be informed by the counselor I share an office with that I can't use our office today because he has lots of work to do, and I need to use an office of one of the counselors away at a conference today. First of all, the fact that two counselors have to share an office isn't right. Secondly, this counselor has been on vacation the past 2 weeks and expects to just walk back in and own the office again. We're both contract, and technically equal. He has no more right to that office than I do. I have no problem being a team player, but since at least some parts inside have learned we don't deserve to be walked all over, we don't take people's crap like we used to. I learned last week that he made the girl who had position last year cry several times. He will not be making me cry. I did use another office for one of my sessions today b/c I got permission to, and I didn't trust us to not totally go off on co-counselor today. The combination of the weather, lonliness, and the fact that we're on our period seemed like a bad combination to have it out with someone today. Part of me feels sorry for this co-worker. He's in his mid-50s, bitter, alone (he's good at running people off), and never has anything positive to say. I'm easy bait when he's looking to assert his power or get someone to feel as bad as he does. I share an office with him. I'm 30 years younger than him. I'm female. I could go on. I informed my supervisor when we met today that I didn't need anyone to handle this situation for us, but I did want him to have a heads up. I was not putting up with co-worker's bull-shit for the entire school year, and to not be surprised if we had it out at some point in the near future.

Then, we stop and think.... We're standing up for ourselves? We're willing to put someone in their place rather than just allowing them to squash us? Wow! This is weird but kind of cool. Want to make sure we can be assertive without be disrespectful though. Still want to show Christ to co-worker even when he does get under our skin.

So, it felt good for a bit standing up for ourselves. Saw clients all afternoon. The sessions went pretty well. Supervisor thinks I'm doing a good job, and I'm still just amazed our job hasn't overwhelmed us yet.... even this week when we've been feeling so poorly.

Class was cancelled for tonight. First time a class has been cancelled all semester. At first I was so excited!!!!! I got to go home right after work. I have more time to do homework, meaning I don't have to stress to get it all done. However, this means 3 hours more of alone/lonely time tonight. I've been home less than an hour and already the depression sitting on my chest is getting heavier and heavier. Tears will come soon. At this rate, we probably won't get any school work done tonight. The desire to just lie on the couch and blankly stare at the TV until it's a late enough hour to go to bed is growing by the minute. Blah.

1 comment:

  1. ((hugs)) well done for standing up for yourself!