Friday, July 8, 2011


I feel like fighting... I don't care who. I don't care how. My frustration and anger levels are running so high today that I just want to fight. Luckily I am still grounded enough to know that nothing good would come from fighting. I've holed up in my house today and am avoiding basically everyone. I don't trust myself to not lash out hurtfully at people I don't really want to hurt.

Anger is just boiling under the surface and refusing to take it out on myself has me now wishing to express it externally. I got ready to go for a run thinking I could wear myself out. Usually exercise is a great outlet for me. Today, however, I feel utterly exhausted despite the emotional energy under the surface. My body didn't want to cooperate, and the run didn't happen. Part of my low energy yesterday and today may be due to adjusting my diet. My doctor suggested I cut out dairy b/c of some digestive issues to see if that helps. Dairy has always been a huge source of protein, calcium, and energy for me, so this is a challenge. It's only day 2, so I'm not good at finding alternates yet. It's a work in progress that will improve, but I'm probably failing at getting all of the nutrients I need right now.

I've tried busying myself with housework, and I've watched a movie. These things are keeping me busy but nothing has help. I spent some time in prayer and tried to work on a Bible study. The Bible study doesn't seem to be happening either. Satan leave me alone!!!

Gripe, gripe, gripe... Whine, whine, whine... Pity party. I'm so over myself. Can I get a break from me?


  1. O man, have I been there!! Hang in there! At least you recognize and don't send your anger at the closest thing on 2 legs!


  2. I've done it, for years. And it'll only make things harder. What I 'learned' to 'channel' my anger was to beat up my pillow. It held me in the safe-zone while I was waiting for my first therapy session...

    Hey, I've recently started my own blog about Childhood Abuse. Would you like to exchange links? I've already added yours to my blogroll.