I don't have a ton of time right now, and I also think I'm probably not in the best frame of mind to blog right now because it will probably come out as a rant and rave... more than just a vent. I'm likely to type and publish things now that I will regret later b/c I am so angry.
More than anything, I just felt it important to blog that I AM ANGRY. Anger is a feeling most of us inside have always avoided at all costs. It's a scary feeling. It's an uncomfortable feeling. There is nothing about it I like. Many time in my life, anger was not displayed appropriately, and I think only recently am I/are we learning how anger can be felt and expressed in a healthy manner.
Some of the things I am angry about, I have every right to be angry about. I do not think I am overreacting in the least. Other things I am angry about, by themselves, would not warrant this strong of a feeling, but right now they're piggy-backing on top of the other things that are making angry.... like adding more fuel to the fire.
While I am controlling myself, externally, things feel out of control internally. There's this boiling feeling in my stomach, and I have a feeling similar to indigestion in my chest. I want to scream at the top of my lungs, and I have more energy in my arms than I know what to do with. I want to lash out at someone, but I know that won't make me feel any better.
In fact, I'm so afraid of saying something I'll regret, I can't even blog about the things that have me so upset right now. All I can do is blog about my experience of feeling anger. I have therapy in 30 minutes and I'm praying it will help me sort some stuff out, so they at least won't feel so out of control inside.
I also want to tease things out so that I do take action on the things I need to, but that I do so in an appropriate way, and in a way that helps the situation and doesn't just release the feelings welling up inside of me.
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *Silent screams* for now at least...