Hey everyone. Sorry I've been MIA for about a week. Unfortunately, this pattern is probably going to continue for another 3 weeks. I've been running around like crazy finishing up last minute wedding details and putting out very small fires. I've had a couple of posts I've really wanted to get up here. One on grief and one on forgiveness, but it seems I never have enough time to get them written out and posted, so I keep putting them off.
In addition, part of me feels I should be using my blog better as an avenue regarding all of the feelings I/we have about getting married next weekend and the honeymoon. Even in therapy this has been hard to talk about the past couple of weeks because I'm feeling sort of numb about it all. I don't think it's numb in a bad way. I think it's more the fact that I've been working on and planning this wedding for 11months and I just want the day to get here. I want to enjoy it with my family and closest friends. And then I want it to be OVER WITH! From everything I've gathered most brides hit this point, so at least I know I'm "normal".
The real question is how will I be feeling and what will surface when everything is over and things calm down? Is there more internal chaos going on than I am able to recognize at the moment? Will I be let down b/c I won't be planning and doing anymore? Will I feel relief? I'm definitely hoping for the positive emotions, but knowing myself like I do, I know that even if I'm unintentionally ignoring parts right now b/c my external life is so crazy, they always make sure I'm aware of everything going on the minute my external life slows down.
So, my current goal is to hope for something in the middle. Mostly feelings of relief and excitement about being married to fiance finally with some difficult feelings that aren't fun but are manageable and can be worked through with coping skills and internal communication.
I know it will be beneficial for me to post this next week up until we leave for our honeymoon (don't know if we have internet where we're going), but if I don't get to, don't worry. It just means I'm a buzy bee. I'll post again as soon as I'm able.
With that.... Off to do more tasks!