Well, I'm finally starting to get over this cold. Whew! 100 degree temperatures and starting my internship this week is not a good combination when your body decides to get a cold. I'm physically exhausted this afternoon, but feeling much more emotionally stable than yesterday.
I thought once I got on to husband's insurance, things would be a lot easier in getting sessions approved to see therapist and I could stop paying out of pocket to see her. Boy, was I wrong! Apparently, I have an unlimited amount of sessions (which is cool) but they don't want to pay for me to see therapist b/c even though she takes my insurance she's technically out of network b/c I'm considered in the North network and she's considered to be in the South network. Her office is 40 miles from where I live. There is NO DID/PTSD therapist closer than that. Plus, I don't know any details, but I know therapist sees other clients who have my exact insurance so I know they can make this approval for me.
Normally, I'm used to the insurance run around, and I'm up for the challenge, but yesterday I was just over it. I was tired of fighting them, tired of my drama, and spent most of my session telling therapist while she should be tired of me too. Thankfully this was just my overreacting and irrationality and she is not tired of me and found it ridiculous that I would even suggest such.
In all honesty, I think the thing that hit me the hardest was the realization of how much I still need therapy and still need therapist. Many days I'm functioning well and even find myself wondering if I still need to see therapist twice a week and if I'm using the time wisely. I am aware and still acknowledge all of the progress we've made to move out of crisis/stabilization stage into a real working/healing life productive stage. But I guess sometimes I want to think this stage means I need less help or it will be less difficult. In reality, it's just difficult in a different way. 99% of the time it's a very manageable place to be in, but then I still have days like yesterday where it feels like the whole world is ending, and I can't do things one more day. The positive side is that typically I can sleep off the "world is ending" feeling and pick up and go on with life the next day. That's a HUGE difference and positive step forward that we've taken.
Healing is still baby steps.... I just gotta remember that to keep frustration levels down.
On a very positive note. I got to hear from husband today for the first time in 4 days!! Only 2 1/2 more weeks and he'll be home again. I never knew I could miss him this much. I'm going to consider that a very good thing that I am missing him. :)